Love Letters to the Library: Remembrance of Things Past
After waking up on the couch and laying eyes on our book shelves, I immediately began obsessing over my son’s overdue book notice. The book had been returned on time, which led me thinking about calling or writing the library to straighten this out, which reminded me of the passionate love notes I used to send to the library before they went all techno on me and stopped forgiving late fines.
It so happens that I USED to be the kind of person who could easily GO to the library and find a MILLION books to withdraw, including expensive audio books and one-of-a-kinds … but had a problem RETURNING them on time. We’re talking months, years, lifetimes…hundreds of dollars in fines….
The books, once they got in the house, seemed to have a life of their own. They would immediately disburse from the four-foot piles in the living room to places throughout the house and somehow even the garage and the trunk. The audio books with 12 CDs? Like socks in the washing machine, no matter how careful I was, there was always one that went missing. Just one CD alone racked up about 20 bucks.
Do you think I was ashamed to keep taking books out? Do you think I was ashamed when the librarian at the front desk would run through the computer screen with eyebrows increasingly raised? Do you think that it stopped me from taking out a single book? No way!
I would write a note and send it along with the books I returned through the automated system, a note in the spine or else a note on the conveyor belt with “Dear Librarians” and smiley faces all over it. The longer the book had been overdue, the more ardent my little note would be, like this:
Dear kind and good libarians:
I am so grateful for libraries. I just have a problem getting books back in time — like an alcoholic, I am chronically late…I want to return things on time, but it’s been hard for me, these past several months (or years, depending on when the fine was initially incurred). Please, please forgive me for not returning the book on time. I am wondering if you will find it in your heart to forgive my fine. …
Then I’d lay it on really thick. Depending on the severity of the fine, I’d get more and more personal. Single mom raising a teenager all on my own. Exhusband fled to Europe. Not a penny of child support. Hard, long 60 hour, or more work weeks, exhaustion, plumbing/car/cat/health problems, depending on the library; nearly all true. If I was made to pay the 100 dollar fine for losing the one of a kind book that came all the way from Florida’s library system, I’d not be able to put food on the table….
These love notes often worked! I My debts were forgiven. But came the day when the librarian behind the check out desk said, “No, you may not take a out a book. The system won’t let me. You owe 150 dollars in fines on one book that is still out. You must bring it down to 10 to get a book.”
Thus would begin the above dance. Except that, unbelieavably, it no longer seemed to be working. Something had gone horribly wrong. Miss Librarian was telling me that the Hennepin County accountants had said that it was illegal to forgive fines, considered revenue by the IRS, so they were forced to collect all fines in full!
No matter what I did, including swear up and down on my father’s grave, rest in peace, that I had indeed absolutely unequivocably returned that book…. Nothing worked…. So… I started using my son’s card — he didn’t like that so much when they went to the library with school and the librarian said he could not take out a book until he paid off his 60 dollar fine. …Under no circumstances, however, was I willing to take the consequence for keeping the book longer than the rules allowed….Persistent little bugger that I am, I kept asking, and asking, until finally, I was given the secret telephone number of a master librarian who was somehow holding the key to all library fines in the system. I called the number. And she got me off the hook — a one time freebie.
Interestingly, to their credit, no librarian has ever told me to not take out books….But sadly, I can no longer game the system. I’ve been faced with the prospect of mending my manipulative ways. I knew I had to make a change. I had to take responsibility. So I bought a Nook. If only I could figure out how to use it.
4leafwriter 